Tenchi's Big Bidness
by Graffito Tag
Summary: Tenchi's new 'legitimate' business ventures are goin great, until the death of Pikachu leads to an ending that no one will ever expect..or understand. Definately a wierd, but moderately funny fic.


TENCHIS BIG BIDNESS  
  
It was another one of those trademark sunny mornings as Tenchi awoke, staring directly into the face of..who else..  
  
TENCHI-"SASAMI? Oh damn, not again! What was I on? Sasami, wake up, and fix me some breakfast!"  
  
SASAMI-"Go roll your own damn joint, Im tired!" So Tenchi made his way to his closet, where he smoked his breakfast, dressed in his usual pinstripe suit, then made his way downstairs, where Yosho and Noboyuki were busy snorting fiberglass insulation.  
  
NOBOYUKI-"Hey, Tenchi! Sure are up late arent you?"  
  
TENCHI-"Aw shit, what happened last night?"  
  
NOBOYUKI-*snort*"Ahh..we played 'Will Tenchi smoke it?'. That Ajax sure does have an effect on you...pussy."  
  
YOSHO-"Hey, Noboyuki, take a dive on this pink shit. Its da' bomb!" Tenchi tried to shake off his headache, and went to check on Washu.  
  
TENCHI-"Good morning Washu."  
  
WASHU-"Hi Tenchi!"  
  
TENCHI-"So, you got that batch of extacy finished yet? There's gonna be a rave down on Sesame Street, and I can make a big profit!"  
  
WASHU-"Sure enough. I even added some fexofenidine, that way, you can get high, and be free of alergy symptoms all day!" Her crew of chibi Washu's stop mixing drugs long enough to flatter her.  
  
WASHU:A-"Washu's drug lab is the best!"  
  
WASHU:Y-"Yeah Washu! You're cracktastic!"  
  
WASHU:F-"You're an egocentric bitch, Washu!" Washu raised an eyebrow and began to inspect the mini robot.  
  
WASHU-"Alright, which one of you turned this one from 'props' to 'dis'?"  
  
  
MEANWHILE  
  
Ryo-oki carefully made her way out of the house, and into the forest where she had some business of her own to attend to.  
  
PIKACHU-smoking-"Pika pi pichu pika?" (Pay up bitch!) Ryo-oki reluctantly reaches back and emptys out her 'money hole'. "Pika, pika pi chupi!" (Is this it?)  
  
RYO-OKI-"Meeyu meow, me meya!" (Thats all! I swear!) But Pikachu wasnt buying it. He grabs his trick by the chest fur, and starts bitch slappin her.  
  
PIKACHU-"Pika PIKA PIKA!" (Dont FUCK WITH ME!)  
  
AND, BACK AT THE MASAKI RESIDENCE  
  
Ayeka was eagerly awaiting the arival of one of her favorite 'clients'. Ayeka loved the new line of work that Tenchi had given her.  
  
NAGI-"Hey, Ayeka, I hope you're ready!"  
  
AYEKA-"Ah, Im so glad you're finally here! Quickly, to my room!" Nagi starts walking to Ayekas love shack.  
  
NAGI-"Kenoki! Stay here!"  
  
KENOKI-"MYAAH!" (Damn!) Ayeka and Nagi went to have a little expendsive fun, just as Kenoki noticed his favorite love bitch. And next to Yosho's leg stood Ryo-oki.  
  
KENOKI-"Mew rewwhaw?" (What the hell happened to you?)  
  
RYO-OKI-"Meow mew mya mya!" (It was that bastard Pikachu!)  
  
KENOKI-"REwwwhaawww!" (Damn that sexy fucker!)  
  
RYO-OKI-"Meya, meow mew...... Meyow mya mhmmm!" (I'll take care of that sommbitch...but lets fuck first!) She stuck her ass in Kenoki's face.  
  
YOSHO-"Look, Ryo-oki is presenting. Isnt that...NOBOYUKI! NO!"  
  
RYO-OKI-"MeyOOOLY SHIT!"  
  
NOBOYUKI-"Aw dad! Please?"  
  
YOSHO-"Get it out NOW!" Tenchi walked in just as his father was removing his cock from the family pet.  
  
TENCHI-"Dammit! Do you have to do that every time Ryo-oki is around?"   
  
NOBOYUKI-"Damn! *zipp* Fine, I'll just go peep at Ayeka and Nagi for a while..."  
  
MIHOSHI-"Hi everyone!"  
  
TENCHI-"Mihoshi? Aren't you supposed to be out slingin crack with Kiyone?"  
  
MIHOSHI-"I was, but she sent me home after I accidentally gave all our crack to those nice Columbians."  
  
TENCHI-"Dammit Mihoshi! Aagg..fine, I'll go take care of this, just sit here and dont fuck anything else up!" Tenchi runs out of the house.  
  
MIHOSHI-"Yay! I get to watch cartoons!" She turns on the tv "Hey, my favorite show!"  
  
RED POLICEMAN-"Quickly! We must destroy the evil CockSuckula, who has been destroying whore houses all over the city!"  
  
MIHOSHI-"Oh no!"  
  
RED POLICEMAN-"But first, lets all have a gay orgy!"  
  
PURPLE DUDES-"YESSS!"  
  
MIHOSHI-"AAAAHHHH!!" *click*  
  
CHARLIE BROWN-"Hey, Linus, I got a wicked boner!" *click*  
  
MIHOSHI-"Hey! Ayeka's on tv!" Yosho and Noboyuki stop shooting up with draino and watch the television.  
  
RON POPIEL-"Im here with the creator of Ronco's newest product, 'Princess' Ayeka! Ayeka, could you tell us about your wonderful new book?"  
  
AYEKA-"Certainly. Its called 'Lets Give Head'. It gives detailed instructions on the art, and the history, of oral sex."  
  
RON-"Really? How does it work?"  
  
AYEKA-"Its very simple, Ron! Just open the book, move your eyes across the page, and let your brain recognize the arrangement of symbols!"  
  
RON-"Amazing!"  
  
AYEKA-"And that's not all, Ron! Allow me to demonstrate one of the lessons in the book." *zippp*  
  
RON-"Wow, its like my dick was ACTUALLY being sucked!"  
  
AYEKA-"*sslurrrp pop* But wait, there's more!"  
  
RON-"I DIDNT SAY STOP, BITCH!" Ron forces her head back down. "Lets get some audiance reactions." He picks up Ayeka, and walks up to an audiance member.  
  
RON-"Hello, maam. Can you tell us how this book helped you?"  
  
RU PAUL-"Well, let me tell you, girlfriend..." *click*  
  
MIHOSHI-"I dont think I like this tv anymore."  
  
LATER, DOWNTOWN  
  
Pikachu struts down the street countin his pimpin dollas, unaware of the danger that awaits him.  
  
RYO-OKI-"Meeyaahay!" (There he is, take the wheel!) Kenoki starts steering the car while Ryo-oki leans out the window.  
  
PIKACHU-"Pika??" BLAM BLAM BLAM  
  
RYO-OKI-"Meahahaaa!Meow meya" (HAhahaa, got him!)..."Meya mew" (Hey Kenoki..)  
  
KENOKI-"Myuh?"  
  
RYO-OKI-"Mey meow meya mew meya" (Dispite all my rage, Im still like a cat with a twelve gauge.)   
  
KENOKI-"Myahaha..mew rahaw!" (Hahaha, good one)  
  
HOWEVER, ACROSS THE STREET  
  
Brock made his way down the hotel hallway to Ash's room, where he heard some perculiar sounds.  
  
ASH-"Oh, Misty! I love fuckin!"  
  
MISTY-"Aah yeah! Me to Ash, fuck me more!"  
  
BROCK-leaning on door-"Whats goin on in there?" He hears the gunfire across the street "HOLY SHIT!" he breaks into Ash's room.  
  
MISTY-"Dammit Brock! I was gettin some!"  
  
BROCK-looks out window-"Ash, put some pants on, and look at this!" Ash puts Misty's shorts on and moves to the window. There is a crowd surrounding a small yellow and red smear.  
  
ASH-"PIKACHU? NOOOOO!"  
  
BROCK-"Hold on, Ash, maybe its not Pikachu...maybe its some other little yellow rat splattered on the sidewalk!" They quickly rush outside to the dying Pikachu.  
  
ASH-"Why? Pikachu!" he starts flashing back to all the good times they had.  
~~ASH-"Hey, Pikachu, you used lotion this time!"   
~~ASH-"Sure, that ketchup bottle will fit perfectly."  
~~ASH-"I love you buddy!"  
  
ASH-"NOOOOOOOOO!!!"  
  
PIKACHU-"Pika..*cough* pika....chuuuu...." (Hit me, baby...one more...time.)  
  
ASH-"Sure pal, sure!" He whips it out, and starts wild monkey fuckin Pikachu.  
  
BROCK-"Hey, Misty...this is gettin me kinda horny..."  
  
MISTY-"Yeah, me too."  
  
BROCK-"Wanna go into that alley and...do it?"  
  
MISTY-"Oh yeah! But we better let Ash finish with it first."  
  
Soon, through painstaking research and shaking down Pikachu's customers, they were able to track down the disgruntled ho, and hatch a cunning scheme for revenge.  
  
ASH-"Remember the plan Misty. We go into the house, ask to stay the night, and tomarrow, we blow their asses up."  
  
BROCK-"Everyone got their disguises ready?"  
  
MISTY-"Sure do!" Misty quickly put on her hooker outfit, while Brock and Ash get into their pimp atire.  
  
BACK AT TENCHI'S HOUSE  
  
TENCHI-"Alright, Dad, I need a status report on the e-porno market."  
  
NOBOYUKI-"Well, Tenchi, our main website 'www.Tenchifuck.com' is gaining some real hits, but the sister sight 'www.Nobo-jackoff.com' isnt doing as well." A knock is heard at the door.  
  
TENCHI-"Hold on, I'll get it."*door-opening-sound* "Hello?"  
  
ASH-"Hey! Its the main man!"  
  
TENCHI-"Do I know you?"  
  
ASH-"Come on! Its me! Ass! We met last year at the Kyoto pimp conference. And you remember my associate Squints right?"  
  
BROCK-"Gyuhh...hi."  
  
TENCHI-"Oh..uh..yeah. How you been?"  
  
ASH-"Well, thing is, the cops been gettin too close for comfort. You think you can let us hide out here for a while? From one pro to another...come on! Dont leave me hangin." Tenchi wasnt the kinda guy to let people who he had never met before sleep in the street, so of course he agreed.  
  
TENCHI-"Fine...but..." he notices Misty behind them "Say..who's this fine young bitch...er, I mean...walking cum factory?"  
  
BROCK-"Thats Misty Losterflower, our prime ho."  
  
TENCHI-"I think I might just like this situation..heh heh." So Brock, Ash, and Misty get comfortable in the guest room, while Tenchi finishes up with business.  
  
YOSHO-"Tenchi, do you think it was a good idea to let them stay here?"  
  
TENCHI-"Dont be silly! Im obviously high."  
  
YOSHO-"Good point..." Ryoko walks through the door.  
  
RYOKO-"Hi Tenchi!"  
  
TENCHI-"Ryoko? What are you doing home so early?"  
  
RYOKO-"I couldn't find any takers...and actually Tenchi, I dont really like these new boobs you bought me." Tenchi inspects her new implants.  
  
TENCHI-"Dammit, whats wrong now? I suppose you want some implants from a 'real' doctor huh? My beanbags arent good enough for you?" Tenchi turns away looking hurt.  
  
RYOKO-"No, Tenchi...I...I didnt mean it!" Tenchi smiles evilly, and turns around. "Tenchi, was that an evil smile?"  
  
TENCHI-"What? Uh..no, this is a 'Im happy to see you smile'!"   
  
RYOKO-"Does that mean we can fuck?"  
  
TENCHI-putting his hand on her shoulder-"Of course not. But I do insist that you go give Ayeka some practice. Nagi wasnt satisfied with her performance today."  
  
RYOKO-*sigh*-"Fine Tenchi."  
  
NOBOYUKI-"Wow, Tenchi, this sure has been a wierd day."   
  
TENCHI-"Tell me about it..." Ryoko was going upstairs when she passed by Mihoshi's chamber.  
  
MIHOSHI-"Hey, Ryoko! Could you come in here for a minute?"  
  
RYOKO-"What is it? I dont have time to fuck you, I gotta save it for Ayeka."  
  
MIHOSHI-"Its nothing like that! I just want you to tell me a bedtime story."  
  
RYOKO-"Bedtime story? What are you, like 3?"  
  
MIHOSHI-"Uh...."  
  
RYOKO-"Fine...This is a story about a queen by the name of Mihoshi, and a king from a far away nation..."  
  
10 MINUTES LATER  
  
RYOKO-"...and even though the king was brought to justice, they never found the Queens body. Goodnight Mihoshi." Ryoko left quietly. The only thing that she liked more than torturing Mihoshi, was torturing Ayeka..."That reminds me..."   
  
Mihoshi was still sitting up awake in her room, shaking. She decided it would be better if she went to sleep in Tenchi's bed, where she would be safe. She made her way into his room.  
  
TENCHI-"Who's there?"  
  
MIHOSHI-"Its me Tenchi...I was wondering if I could sleep in here tonight..."  
  
TENCHI-"Oh, alright Mihoshi, but you know the price."  
  
MIHOSHI-"But Tenchi, I dont want to!"  
  
TENCHI-"Do it, or get out!"  
  
MIHOSHI-"Fine."-tapdancing-"On the goood ship lolly pop..." Tenchi claps along with her singing.  
  
TENCHI-"HAahaha..you bitches always crack me up! Alright, come on in. Oh, Mihoshi, if you feel something under the bed poking you in the ass, thats just uh...my glock...yeah..heh heh."  
  
LATER THAT NIGHT  
  
BROCK-"Alright Misty, take the voltorb, and put it in the attic. We'll distract everyone tomarrow, and you can finish placing the bombs."  
  
MISTY-"I gotcha..." Misty completes her mission, and leaves the voltorb alone.  
  
VOLTORB-thinking-"Damn, that Misty sure is sexy..hey, whats that lurking in the shadows? What?...NOOOOOOOO"  
  
THE NEXT MORNING  
  
Tenchi wakes up holding his crotch.  
  
TENCHI-"UGgh...Mihoshi..MIHOSHI! WAKE UP!"  
  
MIHOSHI-"..huh..?"  
  
TENCHI-"Dammit Mihoshi, I injured my..uh...knee last night! What are you wearing?"  
  
MIHOSHI-"Oh..that was probably my Galaxy Police standard issue chastity belt."  
  
TENCHI-"They still make those?"  
  
MIHOSHI-"....zzzzzzz"  
  
TENCHI-"Stupid bitch...." Tenchi gets up, then remembers he cant fuck Mihoshi, and just gets out of bed.  
  
LATER, ASS AND SQUINTS TAKE EVERYONE OUT FOR DRINKS, LEAVING MISTY AND THE STILL SLEEPING MIHOSHI ALONE  
  
MISTY-thinking-"Well, I've set the last of the voltorbs, now I just gotta kill some time until they get back."  
  
She was still extremely horny from listening to the wet, sticky sounds coming from Ayekas room, and she needed some relief. She made her way into the kitchen, where Sasami had fixed breakfast earlier.  
  
MISTY-"Lets see here.." she examines the contents of the kitchen. The cucumbers, the carrots, Sasami's extra large gormet dildo... "Aah! Here we go!" She grabs a butcher knife, pulls down her pants and...*SLICE* "AAAHHHH! Oh, damn, I did it again!" Mihoshi, now awake, walks downstairs. She stares at Misty.  
  
MIHOSHI-"Who are you?"  
  
MISTY-"Uhgg...Help me, I need medical attention!"  
  
MIHOSHI-"I bet you're another of Tenchi's friends arent you?"  
  
MISTY-"Im bleeding to death!" Mihoshi stares at the blood, and where Misty is holding herself.  
  
MIHOSHI-"Oh, I get it! This must be your first period! Come with me, you need a tampon, and fast!" She grabs Misty by the arm and drags her upstairs.  
  
MISTY-"NOOOOOOOoooooo!" As Misty is pulled away, she doesnt notice the small fury form slinking around the living room...  
  
LATER STILL  
  
YOSHO-"Damn, Ass, you know how to party!"  
  
TENCHI-"I've never seen anyone puke a turd before!" They walk into the house.  
  
BROCK-"Hey, I have to uh...use the bathroom." He goes into the bathroom, then searches the rest of the house, still unable to locate Misty.  
  
TENCHI-"Hey Dad, just put him on the couch till he wakes up." SUDDENLY, THERE IS AN EAR SHATTERING EXPLOSION   
  
BROCK-"OH FUCK!" But the explosion wasn't from the voltorbs as Brock had believed, but rather, from some other source.  
  
TENCHI-"What the hell was that?"  
  
ASH-"......" Throws up some more, and goes into a coma, while Tenchi makes his way into Washu's lab  
  
TENCHI-"Washu, I told you to be careful mixing that shit!"  
  
WASHU-"It wasn't me Tenchi. It came from the shrine!"  
  
TENCHI-"WHAT? QUICK, WE HAVE TO GET EVERYONE TOGETHER! IT MIGHT BE KAGATO AGAIN!"  
  
  
RYOKO, TENCHI, WASHU, AYEKA, YOSHO, AND BROCK RUSH TO THE SHRINE, WHILE NOBOYUKI STAYS AT THE HOUSE, AND MOLESTS ASH.   
  
The wind gusts hard against them, and lightning crashes on the mountain top.  
  
TENCHI-"Washu, what the fuck is goin on?"  
  
WASHU-"TENCHI! LOOK!" She points to a figure floating in a sphere of energy.  
  
AYEKA-"Is that...?"   
  
RYO-OKI-in human form-"Yes!"  
  
YOSHO-"Ryo-oki? Why?" She floats down to see them face to face, still totally naked.  
  
BROCK-"Hgugghghghgh"  
  
RYO-OKI-"I was tired of putting up with this world, and when that skinny slut planted all of those pokemon, I knew it was my chance. I absorbed them to increase my own power, and now I can get my revenge! I cant count the number of times you all fucked me. Slowly moving me in and out of your wet cunts..."  
  
BROCK-"Stop it! Im....getting...horny!" his eye slits start to glow. "You wouldnt like me when Im horny!" His pants begin to rip, then burst, revealing a huge, erect, plasma cannon.  
  
RYO-OKI-"What? It cant be!"  
  
WASHU-"I knew it!"  
  
BROCK-"I AM THE FUCKTRON, THE ALMIGHTY DESTROYER!" Ryo-oki fires some energy blasts at him, but Ayeka sets up a shield, while Tenchi looks confused and stupid (like he usually does).   
  
Brock starts pumping the crotch-cannon, gaining energy for the final attack.  
  
BROCK-"Oh shit! I think..Im gonnna..." *FFWWWOOOOOOMMMMM*  
  
RYO-OKI-"NOOOOOOoooOOOOOO!"   
  
LATER THAT DAY  
  
WASHU-"..so I invented the Fucktron device to serve a twofold purpose, to protect AND screw."  
  
TENCHI-"Thats amazing Washu!"  
  
ASH-"Hey, Brock, why didn't you ever tell me you were a cyborg?"  
  
BROCK-"How was I supposed to know? Im blind!"   
  
TENCHI-"Well, I guess the point is that we're all safe."  
  
YOSHO-"Has anyone seen Mihoshi?" At that moment Mihoshi walks in, carrying her 'victim buryin shovel'.  
  
MIHOSHI-"Uh...hi everyone. Oh, by the way, no one bother that big pile of dirt in the backyard. Atleast for a few months..."  
  
  
THE END??? UH..YEAH  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
